I spent all week getting my Dad excited that we were going to clean out the garage. For the first time in my life I had the permission to actually yell back at my father if we disagreed on something he needed to throw away. What it was going to come down to was what I wanted to keep and what I wanted to get rid of.
Let me tell you, he has a LOT of stuff.
On Friday morning we woke up, and he had some severe neck pain, couldn't move his neck left, right, up or down. Severe pain. So we ice packed, heat padded and towel wrapped that sucker up. To no avail he didn't start to feel any better, so I took it as my personal duty to clean that garage myself. I went it guns a blazin' and stuff flyin'. It felt great! I successfully donated and threw away a Ford F-150 truck load of stuff we have been holding onto since birth. In fact, I found my easy bake oven!!!
With the help of my wonderful mom we successfully went through each and every box. Probably close to 30 or 40. No joke.
On Saturday I woke up, went to Goodwill, the dump, and Wal Mart all before noon. When I came home I went back to the garage to start the organizational process. I was in the garage from 12:00 till about 2:00 when I came to a stand still with where I could put things, and when my dad is better we will have to go out there together and clean the rest. From there I crushed all of our coke cans, and mowed the back yard. Which we live on an acre (which to some people is nothing, but to us, going from Detroit with no yard to an Acre... it's a big deal).
This long back story to say: I'm tired....But my dad asked for help, so I helped. Which brings me to my point.
If someone asks me to do something, I am going to do it 100 percent. If it's going to benefit them in anyway I am all in. HOWEVER, I am the exact opposite when it comes to someone volunteering me or telling me to do something that I don't want to do. I have learned the art of being stubborn. I have more importantly learned the wonderful word NO! I said no today and make someone mad. If I had been asked first it might have been a different story. Going to see a band at a bar is not my thing. Granted, I'm plenty old enough to go to a bar, but it's not really my type of crowd... if you catch my drift. Anyway. When called earlier in the week I was REMINDED and told that I should not make any plans for the weekend because I HAD TO GO TO THIS BENEFIT... at a bar... I don't like bars... I also don't like being called bad names. Honestly, my feelings are hurt and there is no reason they should be.
Okay, so now here is where I get my -I have to help everyone because everyone should be happy- self. If I would have said no in the first place that I didn't want to go I would be PESTERED more than I am now. I knew all along that I wasn't going. Since I first heard about it a month ago. I didn't want to go. So instead of say "no that's not really my thing" I half heartedly agreed and went about my days. So today when I was called for my reminder and asked "Your still going? Right!" Where I should have said "NOPE" I simply replied with an "I guess so". So yes technically it's my fault. I should have been honest from the beginning.
So to spare stupid details, it ended up with words flying that shouldn't have. Not from my mouth... but needless to say my feeling were hurt, and I really don't care. If I would have been asked first instead of TOLD not to make plans or make something that really isn't a priority to me a priority... Doesn't work for me.
I am an adult, and I don't need anyone to tell me what and how to spend my Saturday night. I was perfectly content with staying home and reading. Which is exactly what I did tonight, and I finished another book. I love reading. Better than a bar.
Oh well... Just ask me first.
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Monday, September 17, 2012
Failure...?
The first time I can ever remember failing was in first grade when I didn't pass the eye sight test that they made you take for school. I was legally blind in my left eye but I had no way of knowing. Until I failed that eye sight test and was taken to the eye doctor.
The second time I remember failing something big was my drivers test at 16 years old. I am a great driver, but my speeding gets me in trouble, therefore I failed the drivers test for speeding.
I failed multiple classes in college, causing me to repeat them and eventually change my major.
The Praxis test. Which is what the majority of states require teachers to pass to be a teacher. As well as what my school required you to pass before you could student teach. Hence the reason why I am not a teacher, nor do I think it's what I want to do anymore.
I can't count the number of tests I have failed.
I am not my failures. My failures do not define me. When God closes one door, He always opens another. Phrases that I hear all the time, phrases that I remind myself of because I need to hear them. However, I don't believe them anymore.
I feel like I have let the Lord down. I feel like I have failed so much that he can't say he is proud of me. I don't understand why anyone would be. My mom tells me she is proud of me. For what? In my 26 years what have I accomplished?
So, have I failed myself? Have I made God proud? How do I know. Honestly, right now... that's the last thing I am feeling. I pray and I pray and I pray and I pray, for my family, for my finances, for my job, for my purpose in life and I am stuck. Am I not praying right? What am I doing wrong?
All I know is God is good. At some point my ferris wheel of life will go up and my Boggle game will find it's vowels. I am just really frustrated with feeling like a failure. I want to know that my life is worth something to the Kingdom of God. Not because of a team I was on, or a ministry I worked for. I want my everyday walk to glorify Christ and I think I'm scared that's where I have failed the most.
The second time I remember failing something big was my drivers test at 16 years old. I am a great driver, but my speeding gets me in trouble, therefore I failed the drivers test for speeding.
I failed multiple classes in college, causing me to repeat them and eventually change my major.
The Praxis test. Which is what the majority of states require teachers to pass to be a teacher. As well as what my school required you to pass before you could student teach. Hence the reason why I am not a teacher, nor do I think it's what I want to do anymore.
I can't count the number of tests I have failed.
I am not my failures. My failures do not define me. When God closes one door, He always opens another. Phrases that I hear all the time, phrases that I remind myself of because I need to hear them. However, I don't believe them anymore.
I feel like I have let the Lord down. I feel like I have failed so much that he can't say he is proud of me. I don't understand why anyone would be. My mom tells me she is proud of me. For what? In my 26 years what have I accomplished?
So, have I failed myself? Have I made God proud? How do I know. Honestly, right now... that's the last thing I am feeling. I pray and I pray and I pray and I pray, for my family, for my finances, for my job, for my purpose in life and I am stuck. Am I not praying right? What am I doing wrong?
All I know is God is good. At some point my ferris wheel of life will go up and my Boggle game will find it's vowels. I am just really frustrated with feeling like a failure. I want to know that my life is worth something to the Kingdom of God. Not because of a team I was on, or a ministry I worked for. I want my everyday walk to glorify Christ and I think I'm scared that's where I have failed the most.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart"
"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4
I truly love the Lord with all my heart, but am I so concentrated in Him that others see Him through me. Do people who come in contact with me, here in Owensboro, Kentucky see Jesus through me? I was changed this summer when I was "Momma Manders". Let me share with you my reflections of the summer and where I am now.
Summer 5 of WinShape Camps for Communities. Doing a job I said I NEVER wanted to do. It's funny the saying about telling God your not going to do something and that's exactly where he puts you. That's what happened this passed summer. I walked into my 5th (and what I assume) final summer as the Assistant Director. The glue that holds the team together, the mom of the team. ECT... When I started this summer I had 2 main goals: 1) Not to let Daniel down and 2) Love my team. I accomplished both. It had nothing to do with my ability but everything to do with my director, my team and their call to completing a mission for the Lord. If Christ calls you to something, he is going to get you through something.
It shocks me how much I can love a group of 25 strangers. I mean truly love and care for each and every one of them. I want to know how they are, I want to know what they struggle with, I want to know how I can pray for them, I want to be around them all the time because I do feel like I invested so much into my team that I can't not be involved after camp is over.
Now that you know camp was a success (and I could talk about it forever). The love that I have for my team is no where near the love I should have for my own family. As to which roof I live under. My family who has done and will do everything for me. If not for my family where would I be? Homeless, lacking an education, starved. Even so, I don't love them like Christ calls us to love one another. I don't love my brother like Christ loves us. Half the time I don't love my Mom the way Christ loves us. Don't get my wrong, I love my family, I just don't love them ENOUGH. Is it because I'm not delighting myself in the Lord?
Not only that, God continues to bless me. However, I would rather wallow in self pity than praise the Lord for continuing to provide for my needs. Yes I said it. "Woe is me!!" WHATEVER. There are worse things out there than my overwhelming (which yes it is very overwhelming) student debt, my lack of a full time job after graduation. Who needs a full time job when I have (almost) three amazing ones!
When my original plan was to write a venting blog, because face it, that's what everyone wants to read... it turned into a question that I have to ask myself. Am I delighting myself in the Lord? Am I letting him shine through my life and onto the two precious boys I take care of? Onto my students when I get to sub? Onto the people at the bank, or the grocery store, or the other cars driving by?
When we sit and feel sorry for ourselves the Devil wins. When God calls us to do something, we have to do it. There is no complaining, I think back to this summer when, at times, I wanted to quit. I didn't I pressed on toward the goal, and that was to complete the summer. In the end I gained lifelong friendships.
I don't know what else is next in my future. I don't know if God is calling me to be single for the rest of my life and live at home till my parents go to the Lord themselves, but beyond making myself proud, or my parents proud. I just want to make God proud. I want to live my life for Him. I truly think that is what Delighting yourself in the Lord truly is. God is good all the time. He deserves my best. Not my leftovers. So, even though the future isn't clear for me. I think I can finally say it's OKAY.
*** This is not what I was intending this post to be like. Please know that the Lord spoke through me in writing this and I hope it touches whoever might read it. ***
I truly love the Lord with all my heart, but am I so concentrated in Him that others see Him through me. Do people who come in contact with me, here in Owensboro, Kentucky see Jesus through me? I was changed this summer when I was "Momma Manders". Let me share with you my reflections of the summer and where I am now.
Summer 5 of WinShape Camps for Communities. Doing a job I said I NEVER wanted to do. It's funny the saying about telling God your not going to do something and that's exactly where he puts you. That's what happened this passed summer. I walked into my 5th (and what I assume) final summer as the Assistant Director. The glue that holds the team together, the mom of the team. ECT... When I started this summer I had 2 main goals: 1) Not to let Daniel down and 2) Love my team. I accomplished both. It had nothing to do with my ability but everything to do with my director, my team and their call to completing a mission for the Lord. If Christ calls you to something, he is going to get you through something.
It shocks me how much I can love a group of 25 strangers. I mean truly love and care for each and every one of them. I want to know how they are, I want to know what they struggle with, I want to know how I can pray for them, I want to be around them all the time because I do feel like I invested so much into my team that I can't not be involved after camp is over.
Now that you know camp was a success (and I could talk about it forever). The love that I have for my team is no where near the love I should have for my own family. As to which roof I live under. My family who has done and will do everything for me. If not for my family where would I be? Homeless, lacking an education, starved. Even so, I don't love them like Christ calls us to love one another. I don't love my brother like Christ loves us. Half the time I don't love my Mom the way Christ loves us. Don't get my wrong, I love my family, I just don't love them ENOUGH. Is it because I'm not delighting myself in the Lord?
Not only that, God continues to bless me. However, I would rather wallow in self pity than praise the Lord for continuing to provide for my needs. Yes I said it. "Woe is me!!" WHATEVER. There are worse things out there than my overwhelming (which yes it is very overwhelming) student debt, my lack of a full time job after graduation. Who needs a full time job when I have (almost) three amazing ones!
When my original plan was to write a venting blog, because face it, that's what everyone wants to read... it turned into a question that I have to ask myself. Am I delighting myself in the Lord? Am I letting him shine through my life and onto the two precious boys I take care of? Onto my students when I get to sub? Onto the people at the bank, or the grocery store, or the other cars driving by?
When we sit and feel sorry for ourselves the Devil wins. When God calls us to do something, we have to do it. There is no complaining, I think back to this summer when, at times, I wanted to quit. I didn't I pressed on toward the goal, and that was to complete the summer. In the end I gained lifelong friendships.
I don't know what else is next in my future. I don't know if God is calling me to be single for the rest of my life and live at home till my parents go to the Lord themselves, but beyond making myself proud, or my parents proud. I just want to make God proud. I want to live my life for Him. I truly think that is what Delighting yourself in the Lord truly is. God is good all the time. He deserves my best. Not my leftovers. So, even though the future isn't clear for me. I think I can finally say it's OKAY.
*** This is not what I was intending this post to be like. Please know that the Lord spoke through me in writing this and I hope it touches whoever might read it. ***
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
I just want to know my hard work has paid off...
As my title says, and I mean it, I just want to know my hard work has paid off.
I have spent seven and a half years in college. I owe everybody and their brother, and I have nothing to show for it. I owe my super expensive school 1,555 dollars for a class I had to take LAST January. For a degree that I can't even use. Which I don't have because I still owe Union money. I wish I had the money to pay everything off, but right now I can't even find a stable job.
I worked so hard to be a teacher, and all of my friends have taken the tests, passed, and scored big. Now they are successful teachers using their overpriced college education for good. Me, I'm the stand in. Always the stand it, NEVER the real thing. Subbing- stand in for the teacher. Babysitter- Stand in for the parents. Well yeah I'm cool to the kids, but I'm cool because i'm different. It KILLS me to walk into every school and see how the kids aren't even expected to be better. It's like the kids settle.
I don't think that's right. Kids ALWAYS rise to your expectations. Don't tell me they don't. That seriously is one of my biggest pet peeves. Children are REMARKABLE. They are special, and they are the funniest people in the whole wide world. They keep me laughing, and I one day will have a classroom full of laughter, and fun. Where my students will feel like the most important things in the world. Because when we are in my classroom. They are. My kids are smart, they are capable of ANYTHING. So shame on you teachers for thinking less of your students! The "they can't do any better so why keep trying" I don't know who your student is, it's not their fault. It's time to stop the negative attitudes towards your students and start loving them for the person out Lord has made them to be. Am I right?
Try it. Expect less of your students/kids. Then see how long your day is. Expect more, and watch them sore. I promise you, they will ALWAYS rise to your expectations.
Which leads me to my current state of frustration. I want my seven, almost eight, years to mean something. I have expected less of myself for so long that now I am in a crater, not even a ditch! I can't find my way out to save my life. I just want to be in front of my classroom making my kids day. Telling them I love them, watching them understand boring things. I want to be their positive example that they desperately need. Kids don't need words. They need people who will get of their cell phones, away from their computers and spend time with them. I heard a statistic in college that says the average parent spends about 20-30 minutes of quality time PER WEEK with their kids. Now really??? Now think about why students are acting out?
Point made.
I just want my time that I have spent in college to be worth something.
I have spent seven and a half years in college. I owe everybody and their brother, and I have nothing to show for it. I owe my super expensive school 1,555 dollars for a class I had to take LAST January. For a degree that I can't even use. Which I don't have because I still owe Union money. I wish I had the money to pay everything off, but right now I can't even find a stable job.
I worked so hard to be a teacher, and all of my friends have taken the tests, passed, and scored big. Now they are successful teachers using their overpriced college education for good. Me, I'm the stand in. Always the stand it, NEVER the real thing. Subbing- stand in for the teacher. Babysitter- Stand in for the parents. Well yeah I'm cool to the kids, but I'm cool because i'm different. It KILLS me to walk into every school and see how the kids aren't even expected to be better. It's like the kids settle.
I don't think that's right. Kids ALWAYS rise to your expectations. Don't tell me they don't. That seriously is one of my biggest pet peeves. Children are REMARKABLE. They are special, and they are the funniest people in the whole wide world. They keep me laughing, and I one day will have a classroom full of laughter, and fun. Where my students will feel like the most important things in the world. Because when we are in my classroom. They are. My kids are smart, they are capable of ANYTHING. So shame on you teachers for thinking less of your students! The "they can't do any better so why keep trying" I don't know who your student is, it's not their fault. It's time to stop the negative attitudes towards your students and start loving them for the person out Lord has made them to be. Am I right?
Try it. Expect less of your students/kids. Then see how long your day is. Expect more, and watch them sore. I promise you, they will ALWAYS rise to your expectations.
Which leads me to my current state of frustration. I want my seven, almost eight, years to mean something. I have expected less of myself for so long that now I am in a crater, not even a ditch! I can't find my way out to save my life. I just want to be in front of my classroom making my kids day. Telling them I love them, watching them understand boring things. I want to be their positive example that they desperately need. Kids don't need words. They need people who will get of their cell phones, away from their computers and spend time with them. I heard a statistic in college that says the average parent spends about 20-30 minutes of quality time PER WEEK with their kids. Now really??? Now think about why students are acting out?
Point made.
I just want my time that I have spent in college to be worth something.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Working with my hands
I have been blessed lately to have multiple weekends off. Which has allowed me to help around the house, ya know, contribute to the household. While shopping with my Grandmother last weekend a discussing about the bathroom came up, and she talked about how she wished that it would just look so much better than it did. Which led to her granting me full permission to do whatever I wanted to the bathroom. Now, our bathroom has a textured wall, and the previous owners were huge fans of wallpaper because every stinking room has wallpaper... It's horrible, but my Grandmother doesn't want to take it down. ( She's a fan of wallpaper too)
So this weekend it has been my personal mission to welcome out 1985 bathroom to the 21st century!
after much deliberation and many many trips to the Home Depot, I got started yesterday. When I finished painting the bathroom today I started reflecting on the things I like to do, and I made a discovery... I like to work with my hands!I like to make things, more-so, I like to see the end results in things. Case-in-point, if I start something I want to be able to see how it is finished. Like crocheting, I love to crochet... I love to bake (that's mainly because everyone that eats it loves it) I truly enjoy cleaning, and nothing brings me more joy than seeing carpet lines on a rug or carpet. I love laundry because you see a mess that is no longer there... you see the end result. I even feel the same about dishes.
So... I think that's why I pick really challenging things to do, like crocheting a blanket that's the size of a queen bed (first one). Or repainting a bathroom... which really really really needed it.
it was a great weekend of realizing more of my strengths. I can't wait to see when it's all done tomorrow!!!
So this weekend it has been my personal mission to welcome out 1985 bathroom to the 21st century!
after much deliberation and many many trips to the Home Depot, I got started yesterday. When I finished painting the bathroom today I started reflecting on the things I like to do, and I made a discovery... I like to work with my hands!I like to make things, more-so, I like to see the end results in things. Case-in-point, if I start something I want to be able to see how it is finished. Like crocheting, I love to crochet... I love to bake (that's mainly because everyone that eats it loves it) I truly enjoy cleaning, and nothing brings me more joy than seeing carpet lines on a rug or carpet. I love laundry because you see a mess that is no longer there... you see the end result. I even feel the same about dishes.
So... I think that's why I pick really challenging things to do, like crocheting a blanket that's the size of a queen bed (first one). Or repainting a bathroom... which really really really needed it.
it was a great weekend of realizing more of my strengths. I can't wait to see when it's all done tomorrow!!!
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
The whirl-wind, that has become my Life
Four summers of camp has come and gone, literally in a blink of an eye. Now, I'm onto my first "big girl" job and the responsibility of being an adult is staring me right in the face. Not only that, I'm still....25... living with my parents... *dun dun dun*
Let's talk about that "big girl" job. I am a "caregiver to a kindergartner to a boy on the autism spectrium scale" Fancy right? I know... and it's good money too. However, lets put the fancy words in lamens terms... NANNY. Yep, thats right. N-A-N-N-Y aka... OTHER MOM. aka. you stay here with my kids, feed them, bathe them, do their homework, listen to them scream, while us parents go out for a "meeting". Yes. I love the kids, and no I wouldn't want to be doing anything else, mainly because a) I don't want to go back to school to become "certified" in something, and b) I was going to say easy... but that's not true.
I am going to take you on a trip down memory lane: Day one, I was supposed to get there at 12:00 (NOON0 but I was called to come in at 8:30. So eager Miss Amanda gets to their house at 8:15. On this bright sunny Tuesday, August day... which was my FIRST day, I get introduced to a VERY LARGE supplement regimine, all his cans and can-nots, a half hour bathtime routine, dinner, and bed... most of which ON MY OWN. It's been like this from then on.
I love what I do, it's very rewarding... but at the same time, when I am told "think long and hard about when you have kids" I do. or my favoite " Raising kids is the hardest job anyone could imagine" funny thing is... THAT'S MY JOB! and the majority of the time, I do it by myself. On days like yesterday and today... when the routine (which is oh so important for autism) is messed up it throws everyone out of wack, and it seems like we are never going to get out of it. Persistence is key, stability is key... it's a shame when the stability is me. I hate that.
Now don't get me wrong. These kids don't want for anything and their mom loves them so much. She will fight to the ends of the earth for her kids. She will beat herself up over a decision that was made, or an action made without thinking... Life goes on... That's my motto.
Kids??? Yes.The oldest, who has autism. Which, he has autism, autism does not have him. He is not definied by autism. We are going to fight this, get him the best care we can, and help him live an independent, healthy, life. Then the youngest, who is much like having 3 kids at once. Her mother describers her as her "beautiful mess" Which is true, she is beautiful, and she is a handfull. An attention seeking, must be first, my-way-or-the-high-way type of leader. Challenging part: her mom and I are the same way. So we all go round and round. Add big brother to the mix, and it's a recipe for frustraton....if you don't know how to control your temper. On a day to day basis, Monday- Saturday I ususally have them myself.
All in all it's a wonderful job, that it would take alot to take me away from. I am learning something everyday, and eventhough, I never wanted to teach younger grades.I'm using my well debted degree in this job. For which, I am very thankful.
Now let me tell you that God story and you will be done reading this ever loving post. I remember this story WHENEVER my days are long. I remember this like yesterday. SO it was week 6 of camp, we were in Albany, Georgia. I had some rough volunteers. It was getting down to 2 more pay checks before I no longer had an income whatsoever. I have a hefty amount of student loans to pay back, and I needed a job. (sometimes I think I need another) My entire team had been praying for me all summer. Other WinShape staff had been praying for me, and I was just getting more and more scared as the time went on. I knew that God had something big planned, but by this time with 2 checks left... both of which belonged solely to Sallie Mae (sidenote: her smart options are NOT smart options). That evening I had finished all of my volunteer stuff, and I was checking my email when I got TWO not one but TWO messages from Care.com, which I had signed up for a long time ago, hoping for at least something. I knew that I could take care of kids, I knew that I was good at it, and I knew that people will pay good money for a good sitter. So I am reading my messages when they both say about the same thing. Both people want to interview me! So, I save the phone numbers, illegally bring my phone to camp, asked permission and called. It was about 40 minutes of me hearing about the kids, talking about where I live, and at the end of the conversation I hear "Amanda, I can't wait to meet you and get started" I was stunned. My Director and Assistant Director were standing in the room as tears welled up in my eyes. I managed a "I'm just as excited" and hung up. A wave of relief washed over me. I wish words could begin to describe the way I felt. It was like nothing ever before. It was like God was telling me the whole time "I've got your back Amanda, just quit being so worried all the time" Later that day I got to celebrate this HUGE victory with the rest of my camp family who was just as excited, and still are.
Now here's the real God story: I knew since leaving Jackson back in May, I would be moving home with my parents. Something that I DID NOT, and Still would rather not be doing. I knew that if I was supposed to stay in Jackson, that God would make a way for it to work. The family I now work for is the type of family that always has had a "nanny" but they moved to Owensboro for the school system for their boy. Their previous nanny, was leaving a week before I got back to camp. I came at the perfect transtion time because I got there the day before he started school. So, it wasn't a huge change for him. He got a couple days with just his mom and sister, and then I came when he was learning the ropes of school. While picking him up from school one day, and talking with his mom, I asked her why she picked me? She said that she stepped back and asked God that the right person would 'land in her lap' so to speak. And, literally 5 minutes later, I called. Coincidence? I think not. Thanks God, for that reminder every time this gets frustrating or tiring. You are still faithful. Always.
Oh How I Love It!
Let's talk about that "big girl" job. I am a "caregiver to a kindergartner to a boy on the autism spectrium scale" Fancy right? I know... and it's good money too. However, lets put the fancy words in lamens terms... NANNY. Yep, thats right. N-A-N-N-Y aka... OTHER MOM. aka. you stay here with my kids, feed them, bathe them, do their homework, listen to them scream, while us parents go out for a "meeting". Yes. I love the kids, and no I wouldn't want to be doing anything else, mainly because a) I don't want to go back to school to become "certified" in something, and b) I was going to say easy... but that's not true.
I am going to take you on a trip down memory lane: Day one, I was supposed to get there at 12:00 (NOON0 but I was called to come in at 8:30. So eager Miss Amanda gets to their house at 8:15. On this bright sunny Tuesday, August day... which was my FIRST day, I get introduced to a VERY LARGE supplement regimine, all his cans and can-nots, a half hour bathtime routine, dinner, and bed... most of which ON MY OWN. It's been like this from then on.
I love what I do, it's very rewarding... but at the same time, when I am told "think long and hard about when you have kids" I do. or my favoite " Raising kids is the hardest job anyone could imagine" funny thing is... THAT'S MY JOB! and the majority of the time, I do it by myself. On days like yesterday and today... when the routine (which is oh so important for autism) is messed up it throws everyone out of wack, and it seems like we are never going to get out of it. Persistence is key, stability is key... it's a shame when the stability is me. I hate that.
Now don't get me wrong. These kids don't want for anything and their mom loves them so much. She will fight to the ends of the earth for her kids. She will beat herself up over a decision that was made, or an action made without thinking... Life goes on... That's my motto.
Kids??? Yes.The oldest, who has autism. Which, he has autism, autism does not have him. He is not definied by autism. We are going to fight this, get him the best care we can, and help him live an independent, healthy, life. Then the youngest, who is much like having 3 kids at once. Her mother describers her as her "beautiful mess" Which is true, she is beautiful, and she is a handfull. An attention seeking, must be first, my-way-or-the-high-way type of leader. Challenging part: her mom and I are the same way. So we all go round and round. Add big brother to the mix, and it's a recipe for frustraton....if you don't know how to control your temper. On a day to day basis, Monday- Saturday I ususally have them myself.
All in all it's a wonderful job, that it would take alot to take me away from. I am learning something everyday, and eventhough, I never wanted to teach younger grades.I'm using my well debted degree in this job. For which, I am very thankful.
Now let me tell you that God story and you will be done reading this ever loving post. I remember this story WHENEVER my days are long. I remember this like yesterday. SO it was week 6 of camp, we were in Albany, Georgia. I had some rough volunteers. It was getting down to 2 more pay checks before I no longer had an income whatsoever. I have a hefty amount of student loans to pay back, and I needed a job. (sometimes I think I need another) My entire team had been praying for me all summer. Other WinShape staff had been praying for me, and I was just getting more and more scared as the time went on. I knew that God had something big planned, but by this time with 2 checks left... both of which belonged solely to Sallie Mae (sidenote: her smart options are NOT smart options). That evening I had finished all of my volunteer stuff, and I was checking my email when I got TWO not one but TWO messages from Care.com, which I had signed up for a long time ago, hoping for at least something. I knew that I could take care of kids, I knew that I was good at it, and I knew that people will pay good money for a good sitter. So I am reading my messages when they both say about the same thing. Both people want to interview me! So, I save the phone numbers, illegally bring my phone to camp, asked permission and called. It was about 40 minutes of me hearing about the kids, talking about where I live, and at the end of the conversation I hear "Amanda, I can't wait to meet you and get started" I was stunned. My Director and Assistant Director were standing in the room as tears welled up in my eyes. I managed a "I'm just as excited" and hung up. A wave of relief washed over me. I wish words could begin to describe the way I felt. It was like nothing ever before. It was like God was telling me the whole time "I've got your back Amanda, just quit being so worried all the time" Later that day I got to celebrate this HUGE victory with the rest of my camp family who was just as excited, and still are.
Now here's the real God story: I knew since leaving Jackson back in May, I would be moving home with my parents. Something that I DID NOT, and Still would rather not be doing. I knew that if I was supposed to stay in Jackson, that God would make a way for it to work. The family I now work for is the type of family that always has had a "nanny" but they moved to Owensboro for the school system for their boy. Their previous nanny, was leaving a week before I got back to camp. I came at the perfect transtion time because I got there the day before he started school. So, it wasn't a huge change for him. He got a couple days with just his mom and sister, and then I came when he was learning the ropes of school. While picking him up from school one day, and talking with his mom, I asked her why she picked me? She said that she stepped back and asked God that the right person would 'land in her lap' so to speak. And, literally 5 minutes later, I called. Coincidence? I think not. Thanks God, for that reminder every time this gets frustrating or tiring. You are still faithful. Always.
Oh How I Love It!
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Camp and God Moments
I have a few stories to share, and I just am so excited about what God is doing and what he has done in these last three weeks of camp. In three week we have seen 42 children call Jesus Christ their Lord and Savior. It's amazing.
Alec's story:
Week two in Powder Springs Georgia, There is a camper with cerebral palsy. Let me backtrack for a second... a year ago, the mighty green team was going to eat at a Subway, but their credit card machine was broken, so we hopped back into our 15 passenger vans and went across the street to Arbys. There, inside Arbys we met Alec and his family. A couple of guys from our team started talking to him and his family while waiting for our food, and his mother (who was his adopted mother, because Alec was previously in foster care) expressed how she wished he could go to camp like that. Our director told him to come, that he promised it would be a great time and so the next day Alec showed up to camp. Now, onto how God grew this story even bigger this year.... We as a team heard that he was coming back. Alec was going to be in the Alpine!! His mom told us that he was so excited! I was excited just because it was such a good story, and more importantly, it was God's story. So the week goes on, and in one of our meetings at the end of the day we were expressing out cares and our feelings toward him and his family, and we all decided that we wanted to reimburse the family for camp. See, the day before, when Alec was getting dropped off, his mom told us about how they saved all year to send him to this one camp. That when WinShape camps c3 was brought up to him, a smile swooped across his face. The next morning, at registration a gift was donated of $200 for Alec family, my volunteer didn't know why she did it, but just felt that she should. (GOD IS SOOO GOOD!!) As leadership, we still decided that we would open it up to the staff that if they wanted to donate anything to this family then they were welcome to, but it was no pressure. We collected over $700 dollars as a staff. On Friday, at Chick-Fil-A Friday Family Fun Day we gave an envelope to the family...later to learn that the Dad recently lost his job due to illness and hospitalization costs were so expensive without insurance. Alec is needing multiple surgeries, and his poor mother was working all that she could just to take care of the family. It warms my heart to see how much God is doing in the lives of so many campers, beyond what I don't even see.
Satan's attack will not break us down!:
During week 2 we had MULTIPLE people get sick the stomach bug went around. For one day of camp we had 3 staffers missing. Now for the normal person, three people wouldn't make a difference. But in a setting like this we have people that are specifically trained for their jobs, and yes, someone usually can wing it and get by... but camp suffers. USUALLY. Let me tell you... Those 150 campers didn't know that we were staffers down. We have a staff full of people that know how to hold each other up. I swear my team is the epitome of Ephesians 4:29. SO encouraging. All the time, so faithful to Christ, and I am so thankful that we have a heart to ward off the enemy. Last week we were in the dirtiest school full of cockroaches and huge bugs and ants, but that didn't knock us down either. Currently I am nursing a pulled muscle but I'm giving the glory to God because he has something for me to do. He has a volunteer or a camper or a church staff for me to pour into and that's just what I'm going to do. I'm going to love the Lord, rejoice, and keep praying for Joy. God is good all the time. I will NOT LET SATAN WIN!
Please pray for the Green Team. Time is short. HOWEVER... God can do great things through us!!!
Alec's story:
Week two in Powder Springs Georgia, There is a camper with cerebral palsy. Let me backtrack for a second... a year ago, the mighty green team was going to eat at a Subway, but their credit card machine was broken, so we hopped back into our 15 passenger vans and went across the street to Arbys. There, inside Arbys we met Alec and his family. A couple of guys from our team started talking to him and his family while waiting for our food, and his mother (who was his adopted mother, because Alec was previously in foster care) expressed how she wished he could go to camp like that. Our director told him to come, that he promised it would be a great time and so the next day Alec showed up to camp. Now, onto how God grew this story even bigger this year.... We as a team heard that he was coming back. Alec was going to be in the Alpine!! His mom told us that he was so excited! I was excited just because it was such a good story, and more importantly, it was God's story. So the week goes on, and in one of our meetings at the end of the day we were expressing out cares and our feelings toward him and his family, and we all decided that we wanted to reimburse the family for camp. See, the day before, when Alec was getting dropped off, his mom told us about how they saved all year to send him to this one camp. That when WinShape camps c3 was brought up to him, a smile swooped across his face. The next morning, at registration a gift was donated of $200 for Alec family, my volunteer didn't know why she did it, but just felt that she should. (GOD IS SOOO GOOD!!) As leadership, we still decided that we would open it up to the staff that if they wanted to donate anything to this family then they were welcome to, but it was no pressure. We collected over $700 dollars as a staff. On Friday, at Chick-Fil-A Friday Family Fun Day we gave an envelope to the family...later to learn that the Dad recently lost his job due to illness and hospitalization costs were so expensive without insurance. Alec is needing multiple surgeries, and his poor mother was working all that she could just to take care of the family. It warms my heart to see how much God is doing in the lives of so many campers, beyond what I don't even see.
Satan's attack will not break us down!:
During week 2 we had MULTIPLE people get sick the stomach bug went around. For one day of camp we had 3 staffers missing. Now for the normal person, three people wouldn't make a difference. But in a setting like this we have people that are specifically trained for their jobs, and yes, someone usually can wing it and get by... but camp suffers. USUALLY. Let me tell you... Those 150 campers didn't know that we were staffers down. We have a staff full of people that know how to hold each other up. I swear my team is the epitome of Ephesians 4:29. SO encouraging. All the time, so faithful to Christ, and I am so thankful that we have a heart to ward off the enemy. Last week we were in the dirtiest school full of cockroaches and huge bugs and ants, but that didn't knock us down either. Currently I am nursing a pulled muscle but I'm giving the glory to God because he has something for me to do. He has a volunteer or a camper or a church staff for me to pour into and that's just what I'm going to do. I'm going to love the Lord, rejoice, and keep praying for Joy. God is good all the time. I will NOT LET SATAN WIN!
Please pray for the Green Team. Time is short. HOWEVER... God can do great things through us!!!
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