"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart"

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

I truly love the Lord with all my heart, but am I so concentrated in Him that others see Him through me. Do people who come in contact with me, here in Owensboro, Kentucky see Jesus through me? I was changed this summer when I was "Momma Manders". Let me share with you my reflections of the summer and where I am now.

Summer 5 of WinShape Camps for Communities. Doing  a job I said I NEVER wanted to do. It's funny the saying about telling God your not going to do something and that's exactly where he puts you. That's what happened this passed summer. I walked into my 5th (and what I assume) final summer as the Assistant Director. The glue that holds the team together, the mom of the team. ECT... When I started this summer I had 2 main goals: 1) Not to let Daniel down and 2) Love my team. I accomplished both. It had nothing to do with my ability but everything to do with my director, my team and their call to completing a mission for the Lord. If Christ calls you to something, he is going to get you through something.

It shocks me how much I can love a group of 25 strangers. I mean truly love and care for each and every one of them. I want to know how they are, I want to know what they struggle with, I want to know how I can pray for them, I want to be around them all the time because I do feel like I invested so much into my team that I can't not be involved after camp is over.

Now that you know camp was a success (and I could talk about it forever). The love that I have for my team is no where near the love I should have for my own family. As to which roof I live under. My family who has done and will do everything for me. If not for my family where would I be? Homeless, lacking an education, starved. Even so, I don't love them like Christ calls us to love one another. I don't love my brother  like Christ loves us. Half the time I don't love my Mom the way Christ loves us. Don't get my wrong, I love my family, I just don't love them ENOUGH. Is it because I'm not delighting myself in the Lord?

Not only that, God continues to bless me.  However, I would rather wallow in self pity than praise the Lord for continuing to provide for my needs. Yes I said it. "Woe is me!!" WHATEVER. There are worse things out there than my overwhelming (which yes it is very overwhelming) student debt, my lack of a full time job after graduation. Who needs a full time job when I have (almost) three amazing ones!

When my original plan was to write a venting blog, because face it, that's what everyone wants to read... it turned into a question that I have to ask myself. Am I delighting myself in the Lord? Am I letting him shine through my life and onto the two precious boys I take care of? Onto my students when I get to sub? Onto the people at the bank, or the grocery store, or the other cars driving by?

When we sit and feel sorry for ourselves the Devil wins. When God calls us to do something, we have to do it. There is no complaining, I think back to this summer when, at times, I wanted to quit. I didn't I pressed on toward the goal, and that was to complete the summer. In the end I gained lifelong friendships.

I don't know what else is next in my future. I don't know if God is calling me to be single for the rest of my life and live at home till my parents go to the Lord themselves, but beyond making myself proud, or my parents proud. I just want to make God proud. I want to live my life for Him. I truly think that is what Delighting yourself in the Lord truly is. God is good all the time. He deserves my best. Not my leftovers. So, even though the future isn't clear for me. I think I can finally say it's OKAY.

*** This is not what I was intending this post to be like. Please know that the Lord spoke through me in writing this and I hope it touches whoever might read it. ***