When I got back on the blog and read some of my old posts, it just reminded me of how things stay the same, but also of how things change, but really, how we complete the same life cycle over and over and over again. Birds eat worms, the sun rises in the east and sets in the west, just the same as we are awesome at repeating our own cycles in life. Life is so funny like that. I pray for God to provide my needs, and he does... then all of a sudden how he has provided for me isn't good enough anymore and I need someone to hold my hand as I embark on my next adventure. It's the same cycle, the same ferris wheel.
Since I last blogged some has changed, Not a lot, but some. I still live at home, I still have a very large, awesome mountain of student debt, I still want to serve the Lord in whatever way he leads me. I want to serve him with my whole heart and care less about what my neighbors think. That stuff hasn't changed. However, I am still a Nanny (to a different family, who will undoubtedly be my last family I will ever nanny for) I am a YoungLife Leader (which has been the best decision of my entire life), I teach Sunday School for three year olds... And I still don't know what God wants me to do. You know what? I don't think he wants us to know. He likes the ferris wheel. If we were at a carnival with God, he would make us ride the ferris wheel of life with him, and this is how I see my conversation with God going:
Me: "Why can't I find out exactly where you want me to be"
God: "Because then your life would be over and you wouldn't have to search anymore"
Me: "I just want to please you and make you happy, How do I know if I'm doing that?"
God: "You are?"
Me: " But how?"
And then the ride would be over and we would get off, God would walk away, I would tear up, and he would look over his shoulder and smile at me, point to the ferris wheel and we would watch it start to go up.
As long as I'm serving the Lord, I'm pleasing him. As long as I'm looking for ways to show his love to others, then I'm pleasing him, He's happy with me. It's when I start to seek approval from others or do things my way because I think I know what's best. I don't. I've messed up plenty in my 28 years of life. I will also continue to do so, but it's okay. If you don't make mistakes, you can't grow. In the same way, you will never fully understand why God's plans are the way they are. They aren't ours to form. This world is not our own. Crossroads are inevitable. What goes up, must come down.
The Ferris Wheel Of Life!
I never wanted to Nanny again, ever in my whole entire life. I was hurt worse than I thought humanly possible. BUT, Just like the Ferris Wheel of life keeps going around, so the spokes of the wheels are connected and one thing leads to another. Let me share with you two:
1) I nanny for a family that now has 4 kids. 3 beautiful children (7,5, and almost 2) and a new teen added to the family a few months ago. I have been working with them for 2.5 years. Longest I have consecutively worked for any family. Ever. I honestly love the kids like they were my own. I know what every stage of life officially looks like because I have officially worked with every age from birth to teenager. The fact that I'm yet again, a nanny, is not the connection. I'm a great caregiver. I'm awesome at what I do. I don't say that to sounds cocky, that's what I've been told. That's fact.
After I left working for the first family after moving to Owensboro, which didn't last too long, I became friends with one of the children's teachers in town. I signed up to be a sub because it was a way for me to get my foot in the door in the school system. Why pass something like this up? So for a semester and a half I subbed for the school system here and I served tables. The next summer I left to work WinShape camps. Same story... It was getting to be the end of camp, I was worrying about a job, except this time, I was fine to sub. I wasn't fine to serve tables. SO... I was working on end of the week paperwork and I checked my email and had one from the teacher I had worked with while nannying. The reason I became a sub in the first place. She had a name of a friend that needed a sitter for her two boys, it was part time. Meaning, I could watch the boys AND STILL sub. It was a great match, So I got home, called the number, and set up a meeting.I told God that I wouldn't do it unless there was a contract, and a lengthy process to get acclimated.I got both. Long story short, After 2 and a half crazy years, I'm still with the same family. A family that treats me like their own. I don't think I will be a nanny forever, but I know, for a fact that I will be a part of this family forever. Nanny or not. When the Ferris Wheel of this starts to go down, that simple fact is all I need to remember.
2) After becoming the nanny for this family in August, I stopped subbing around January. It was difficult to juggle everything, but I still looked for ways to make money here and there. So, the mom for the family I work for gave me someone's number for a house to clean. I obliged, money is money, and for the most part, I really do enjoy cleaning. So I went. I was wearing an old WinShape shirt which struck up a conversation between me and the wife of the house I was cleaning and she explained that her husband is the only person who works for Chick-Fil-A that doesn't live in Atlanta, but they recently moved to Owensboro from Atlanta. Small world I thought. As I was leaving after cleaning, she invited me over on a Thursday night for a Bible study. She said that it was to help train people who wanted to be a YoungLife leader. Then she said that it would be a good way to meet some friends. (I had been praying about being involved with something and meeting friends). In April of that year I became an Official YoungLife leader and have been ever since. In April of 2015 it will be 2 years. I have met some of the best friends, and have been a part of such a wonderful organization, and watched several high school students realize that their life is worth so much more when they decide to follow their creator. I don't have much of a part in the whole process, but I have some. That makes it worth it.
See if I had never nannied for the first family I would never have met the one I have devoted my last two years to, if I wouldn't have nannied for the family I nanny for now, then I wouldn't have become a YoungLife leader. I know it. YL booths were at our church and I refused to put on my big girl pants and introduce myself. It took me cleaning a house in a WinShape shirt to be a YL leader. Spokes of the Ferris Wheel connected.
So sometimes when things suck, because they will. Just remind yourself that we live in a fallen world where sin exists, it's important to remember that our Ferris Wheel is going to go up. Things will eventually be okay. God is good, even when we don't want to believe he is. That his plans are greater than ours! That when we are left crying on the ground, God is looking over his shoulder and smiling at the ferris wheel going up. Chin up, my dears. Things are going to be okay.
